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The hell they'll go through. Death by dementia isn't pretty. It's a long slow trip down a darkening tunnel. As you watch
someone sink through the rabbit hole they trade their facile grasp on a well-ordered life for a tenuous hold on someone else's
reality. The faculties depart, one by one. Marbles suddenly become quantitative. The picture seems to resemble the scene
in 2001 where Kier Dulea disassembles Hal's brain, marble by 8-track slo-mo marble. In many ways the demise of the human
brain resembles the slow disassembly back into childhood and eventually through infancy into non-existence.
Minnie and Art - their 64th anniversary.
You're in for one hell of a ride, seeing your parents through dementia to the bitter end. You may feel so tired you don't
think you can go on and you could only be halfway to the finish line. While it's going on you'll wonder if it will ever end.
You might hear yourself muttering, ''you'll be the death of me'' and then be startled to learn that 30% of caretakers die
before their charge. When you catch your breath, remember that these refer mostly to another 50% of the caretakers, the equally
elderly, frail spouses. But the end of the game could come at any time and when it has passed, you'll stand looking back
on the shared adventure with remorse that it is over. With a clear conscience you'll know that you did everything possible
to sustain, comfort and keep meaning in the life they held from precocious childhood, into decline and through the curtain
call.
Certain precautions taken at the beginning can prevent time-consuming, pointless detours on the journey. Your parent
needs to have a few documents in place before entering the rabbit hole. The unfortunate part of mental decline is that it
is often accompanied by stubbornness and resistance to offers of help when these are interpreted as interference. The more
stubbornly a parent clings to independence, the more they submit themselves to stealth dependence. If you are lucky enough
to have a relationship of trust with your parents, the work should fall into place effortlessly.
FORMS YOUR PARENTAL UNIT (PU) WILL NEED:
~ Will with children
~ Power of Attorney -Specific (or)
~ Power of Attorney -Durable Springing (or)
~ Power of Attorney -Durable General (yes!)
~ Living Will
~ Medical Power of Attorney
~ Final Arrangements Preferences/Document Locater
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